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Friday, November 25th, 2005
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4:08 pm
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I made my first soup stock! Out of the turkey carcas from yesterday. And it's good! Now I just need to find a good turkey noodle soup recipe. What I really want to do is find a great recipe for homemade noodles, but I'm not sure I have the energy to take that on tonight. I do need to make the soup though, cause I'm sick, and it will make me think I'll be better in the morning if I eat it. :)
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| Monday, November 21st, 2005
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12:37 am
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There is so much to this day.
So much prayer...around me, for me, over me, and by me. So many events, big and small, so many moments. I can't begin to describe them all, but perhaps I can at the very least find a few words for them, to serve as momentos.
Being baptised. By someone I know, and who I know cares about me. Watching my husband be baptised. Finding that people came out to witness us be baptised. People who just found out today, some who I hardly know. Feeling that I had been washed--physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
Taking care of babies. I joke that I volunteer in the 0-6 month room to get my "baby fix", but there is so much truth to that, that it's not really a joke. Today was my third Sunday in a row, and some of the babies already know me. I know them, of course, because it's so easy to pay attention to them. To memorize their smiles, their cries, their smells. I love all of them already.
Sadie being invited to sing on a Christmas album. "Kids" were needed to sing, and I had one who would, but that didn't make the event any less special. Watching my worship pastor get twenty kids to stay in one place; calmly, following his orders, singing the same songs over and over and over and over, all crammed together in a too hot room, and so happy to be there doing it.
Calling a friend who needs to come to church, my church, to experience what I do at least once. Making the same phone call I make every Sunday, inviting her and her husband to join us tonight, knowing the answer will be "we can't, maybe some other time", and being surprised when I hear a "Yes". Not a yes for tonight, but for next Sunday. I have her word. I had to bribe her with the promise of dinner afterward, but I love feeding them anyway, so I win twice.
Tom, having gone all the way home, bringing food back to me at the church office where Sadie was singing, because he knew I hadn't eaten in far too long, and that I couldn't leave to get it myself--and bringing me exactly what he knew I wanted.
Tom. Just Tom.
Walking with Sadie from the church office to where our car was parked, which had to be close to a mile away, playing "Can you spell...?" and "I spy", and best of all, not one word of complaint about the long walk itself.
All of this, and I haven't even been to church yet today! I still have something so great to look forward to.
I feel like I'm living for my Sundays, because they bring me so much more than worship and fellowship. They breathe new life into me, and at the same time remind me that this life is not about me at all.
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| Sunday, November 13th, 2005
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7:44 pm - By the way...
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Realizing I haven't updated this journal in quite some time...
I attended the recruiting seminar/convention thinger at Cal Poly, and it was really great. Because I learned some amazing things about the industry's "Best Practices", but also because I made some great contacts. Some who have already assisted me in improving my performance at my current job, and a couple who have offered me opportunities to apply for even better jobs.
More on that later. ;)
Also since then, I have begun helping out in the 0-6 month room at our church during 9 o'clock services (I mean I have to get my baby fix somehow, watched my marriage change from Really Good to Even Better, discovered that maybe people really do view me differently than I view myself, felt the need to slap someone in church (she is blatantly rude to my husband who is in a ministry with her, and constantly works hard to be kind to her)--and refrained!!--(which is ultimately what's important, right??), and cared for my very drunk co-worker who injured herself and me as I got her from the restaurant/bar we were at to our hotel room and into bed. And also I've prayed. Lots.
Lastly, but not leastly, ( look at how cute he is. )
( And a couple more )
I am so far beyond blessed, I don't know that there's even a word for it.
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5:11 pm
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| Wednesday, October 19th, 2005
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10:46 pm - Sooooo....
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Tomorrow I get to attend a recruiting networking seminar thing at Cal Poly Pomona. I'm not sure what it'll entail, all I know is that a lot of VPs from places like California Pizza Kitchen, Islands, Mimi's Cafe, Ruby's, and The Cheesecake Factory will be speaking, and no one there will like me.
K that's not altogether true. Many of those people will not know me, and therefore will have no basis on which to dislike me. But my one peer will be there, and she most definitely does not like me, and my boss will be there, who...well, the jury is still out on her opinion of me. I do believe she, at any given time, likes me, dislikes me, or is intimidated by me. I'm sure I'll never figure her out. But I will continue to pray for her, because she is as close to her father as any person can be, and he isn't well. I pray for him too, of course, but it's her that I truly worry about.
Anyway, I'm not sure what I'm supposed to gain from this conference. I'm going to meet a lot of people who are "better" than me, and hear other people's ideas of how I could do my job better...which really is silly, seeing as how, when I actually do it, I'm really very good at what I do. How about I go to a conference that teaches me how to be more motivated to do my job? Now THAT I could get behind!
*sigh*
I have to figure out how to get tired now. I have to be in Pomona at 8, which means leaving here at 6:30 at the latest, which means I don't get to go to the gym, but still have to wake up at 4:30. OK 5, but seriously, what's the difference?
Boy I sound bitter. I'm not though! Truly. I love a change of scenery, and I'm sure I'll learn at least one thing that will improve my job performance. :)
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| Monday, October 10th, 2005
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9:20 pm
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Sadie: *hums*
Brian: Sadie, you can stop that anytime.
Sadie: *hums*
Brian: Sadie! I said stop it!
Sadie: Brian, you said I could stop anytime...I'm not ready
to stop yet!
Also...this having a public journal thing is odd. Someone emailed me *anonymously* (I don't
track IPs) to tell me how they think sharing the information I did in my last
post...or the one before, whichever it was...was the wrong thing to do. That people would lose respect for me knowing
my personal history, and that by posting it, I was only looking to garner
sympathy.
I think I understand where they are coming from, but what
they don't realize is that I don't <I>care</I> about my past. I don't dwell on it, I hardly think about it,
and it certainly doesn't have any affect on how I go about my day, aside from
giving thanks that I'm so far removed from it.
It's part of who I am, and I'm not ashamed of it. I really do hope that
I'm not thought less of because of something I had nothing to do with. That
seems ridiculous to me. And if it's the
fact that I shared it...well then I guess I just need to figure out how to be a
different person, because I have no secrets.
I'm not ashamed of me. I'm not into "mystery", I don't need to
leave people wondering. I love having
friends, good, close friends, who I can share my life with, and who hopefully
will feel comfortable enough with me to open up and share their lives with me
as well.
So I guess that's that.
Also...I almost started a flame war in a community. Someone implied that a kid who didn't see R
rated movies must be a "social
misfit", and instead of keeping my mouth shut like I know I should, I
replied, "Or perhaps he just has good parents?". To which someone else replied "Yeah,
because seeing an R rated movie is going to ruin his life". I was good...I didn't say what I
<I>really</I> wanted to (heh).
Instead I responded "Yeah...I'm pretty sure that's not what I
said." Looking at the person's
profile though, I doubt he's going to leave it at that. He seems to be a very, very angry man. Maybe Brian gets a hard time from some of his
school friends for not having seen the latest "R" movie, but he
certainly isn't a "social misfit".
This kid who has committed to staying pure until he's married, who wants
to attend Cal Babtist University for the sole reason that the pastor of his
church graduated from there.
Call him a social misfit if you must, but he's *my* social misfit, and he's a happy, fulfilled kid.
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| Thursday, October 6th, 2005
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11:06 am
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The lady who has been cleaning my house referred a great plumber to me. He's here right now hooking water to my refrigerator (we've had it for at least a month), so we'll finally be able to use the ice and water thingers in the door.
Anyway, HE'S A LOUD TALKER. EVERYTHING HE SAYS IS VERY LOUD. But it's ok, because he's a very nice guy. The first thing he checked out how things were already working was "Hey, you've already got something to work with here, it's going to be a lot cheaper than I told you!" Actually, what he said was, "HEY, YOU'VE ALREADY GOT SOMETHING TO WORK WITH HERE, IT'S GOING TO BE A LOT CHEAPER THAN I TOLD YOU!". So he's good in my book.
It got me to thinking how much loudness bothers me. People speaking too loudly, the kids yelling or screaming, it just makes me nutty. Like someone is squishing my brain with their hands. And yet? I'm one of the loudest people I know. I'm a loud talker myself! I know I am! It's something I have to consciously think about when I'm speaking to people. I have to remind myself that they can hear me if I speak lower...but I don't always remember.
My laugh is loud, I walk like an elephant...I even type loud! And don't even get me started on the way I sing. I really love to sing, but I'm terrified of anyone actually hearing me. Singing in church is perfect, because the music is LOUD. Not too loud, just loud enough to drown out my voice. And that's a good thing. Except for when Carlos brings the music down so low that it doesn't, and then I want to smack him. ;)
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10:23 am - It's a Dexie post!
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Yesterday morning:
Dexter: You forgot my milk, mama!
Me: Dex, could you please ask me nicely for your milk?
Dexter: Mama, you forgot my milk, please!
Also? We measured the circumfrence of our heads.
Tom: 23"
Brian: 23"
Sadie: 21.5"
Dexter: 22"
Me: 22.25"
So Dexter's head is a quarter of an inch smaller than mine. I keep trying to tell you the kid has a huge noggin. Now you believe me!
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| Wednesday, October 5th, 2005
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3:25 pm
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I wanted to write today about being thankful for the way I grew up--for my childhood, and everything that went along with it--even though I wouldn't wish that life on my worst enemy. Not to say that I would want to re-live it, or if I had the chance, would chose to do it again. My point was going to simply be that there are some things that I am learning to really value about myself, qualities that I have, that I wouldn't now, had I lived a more fortunate child's life.
But I couldn't put it into words. In fact, the above paragraph talking about the post is more than I was able to express actually attempting to write the post.
Instead I guess I'll just write about how thankful I am now. How it's become so clear to me this year that God has always been there for me. Even when the worst things were going on, he was there, giving me an inordinate amount of strengh, whispering in my ear that I would not only get through it, but come out stronger on the other side. Things could have been so, so much worse for me.
And now? I could be "the victim"-- not taking accountability for a single thing that goes wrong in my life, because of "everything that happened to me". I could be a prostitute, a drug addict, an alcoholic, dead...actually, statistically, I should be at least one of those things. There is no way that I have become the person that I am today (which is to say, wholly flawed, but kind, considerate of others, and so full of love sometimes I think it's too much), and raised the type of children I'm raising, on my strength alone. I'm just not that strong. I don't believe anyone is.
Recently I've been realizing that there are qualities that I have that are good, that I actually value in myself, and can see that they are qualities that most likely I wouldn't possess if not for the life I had as a child. And so, how do I instill these same things in my children? I guess I just do the best I can to teach them, just like anything else.
I thank God every day for keeping from me that compulsion to perpetuate the abuse and dysfunction. For putting the words "It stops with me." into my mind every single day. For finding and delivering to me the perfect partner, who could relate so well to where I came from, and had the same attitudes for the future of his own life and his children.
My head has become cloudy now. I don't even know if the last paragraph made any sense. I think it's time for me to take a break, hold my bebes, and focus on these thoughts for awhile.
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| Sunday, October 2nd, 2005
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10:03 pm
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HAHA! I'm subjecting Tom to all of my favorite 80s music.
Timex Social Club - Rumors
Oran Juice Jones - Walking in the Rain
Maxwell - I Wanna Be Your Man
Sir Mix-a-Lot - Buttermilk Biscuits (! !!!?)
Anything by Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam
Seriously. The worse the song, the more I love(d) it. Ahh, the memories.
I think I'm going to sneak every Milli Vanilli song there is onto his ipod...
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5:53 pm
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I really need to start inviting people over on the weekends. This blueberry pomegranite iced tea would be much better if it were being consumed while chatting with friends.
Also, for dinner we're having this chicken and sun-dried tomato pasta with cream sauce that a friend turned me on to. (Tom and I are back on our "diet" tomorrow, so we're going out in style. ;)) Do people come over for Sunday dinner? Maybe I'll make it on a Friday night next time. This is a dish to be shared.
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2:37 pm
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| Saturday, October 1st, 2005
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10:52 pm - In which I whine about pointless matters...
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Everyone has something new to read but me. Hmph.
That this bothers me in the least is ridiculous, since I haven't read more than a page of a book a day (night), in probably over a year. And, I've started reading close to a dozen, but end up putting them down because they didn't pique my interest. HELLOOOO, you have to read more than a page at a time for that to happen!
I just don't have the time to read. Or knit. Or scrapbook. Or sew. Or learn to play my guitar. Or learn Spanish. We won't even start on thoughts had about writing songs, books, comedy...unreachable dreams.
The only time I have to do anything "me" is at night, just before sleeping. That's when I pick up The Book of the Moment. But by then...by then, my eyes have seen enough of the day, and they only want to close. So one page--two, max--is as far as I get.
Frustrating, really.
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6:21 pm
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No, a NEW LJ would be one you hadn't seen before. This is a current account, unused until now. Much different. ;)
This is day to day musings. This is public, and mostly for family and friends. Not that I have anything to hide at the other one, I hardly post anymore. But as it's been around for five and a half years, there is bound to be something in there I'm ashamed of, and have moved on from. Heh.
So hi! Where do I begin (again)?
Today was a really nice day. We got up early and took the car to be washed, and walked over to Target while that was being done. $207 later (O_o), we walked back over, got the car, and went home. The plan was to go out to the beach as soon as Tom got home from working (he had to take a conference call in the office at 8), we were going to head out to Laguna Beach for a few hours, then head back, since we had an appointment to view the family portraits we had taken last Saturday. But once we realized we had driven ten miles in thirty minutes, we knew it wouldn't be worth it to go all the way there and then have to turn back, we created and implemented Plan B.
We turned around and made our way back to Castle Park, where we spent the next three hours or so. We had a great time there! Dex was brave enough today to try the log ride, and the kiddie roller coaster! He did so great. Sadie wanted to go on the big dragon boat thinger that goes back and forth and up really high so that you get that reeeeally funny feeling in your stomach? Yeah, she thought she'd like that. She totally didn't. Poor thing. Other than that, we had a very nice time. I still have to get the pictures from the camera, but if any of them turned out well, I'll post them.
We stopped by B&N on the way home, and got Tom, Dex and Sadie new books. I got a couple of those tiny books...the ones I got have cute sayings that will make nice notes to copy on post-its and put into Sadie's lunchbox.
Speaking of lunchboxes, I can't wait till her new one gets here!! I went looking for them online last week, since the one she's been using that she got from her Aunt Jenny (Thanks, Aunt Jenny!) has turned out to be a bit small, once the ice box and bottle of water are in there. Anyway, I got her this, and it's so cute I almost can't stand it. I mean really, is there anything more fun?? She's excited about it too. :)
Now, Tom's gone to play with his friends, the kids are rested from their naps, and I have to figure out what's for dinner. Eeee, it's almost 7 already!! They're having snacks right now...Saturday nights are always pretty dinner-casual. Still, I have to feed them something of substance. After that, I think I'll hit Trader Joes for a few weekly staples that I particularly like to get from there.
Hee! Sadie just came up to me and borrowed my stapler. She's using it to staple papers together, because she's going to make a book. Her story is called The Shining Flower. She came up with it herself! Hehe, she's so awesome. I can't wait to read her book. Speaking of Sadie and books, the books she chose at the bookstore today were the first three Geronimo Stilton books. He's a mouse! And his last name is stilton! Get it? GET IT?? Anyway, the books are SO so cute. She's already half way through the first one.
That's it for now, I think. Time to turn my attention to my bebes for the night. Hope all is well in your world. God bless!
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